The 2015 Springfield Nine: If ‘Homer at the Bat’ happened today

The legendary baseball episode of “The Simpsons” titled “Homer at the Bat” turns 23 on Friday. This third-season classic was named the 15th best “Simpsons” episode ever by Rolling Stone and was one of the first with truly mainstream appeal, thanks to the guest cast of nine baseball superstars.

For the uninitiated, the episode’s premise is Mr. Burns bets $1 million on a company softball game and replaces the regular team of power-plant workers with professional ringers. Mr. Burns brings in Roger Clemens, Wade Boggs, Ken Griffey, Jr., Steve Sax, Don Mattingly, Ozzie Smith, Darryl Strawberry, Jose Canseco, and Mike Scioscia. Long story short, eight of the players suffer “misfortunes” that prevent them from playing in the game. It’s truly a must-see that can’t be briefly summarized, so go get an education.

But 23 years is a long time and all of those players have since retired. So here’s a look at what the 2015 version of the Springfield Nine might look like, and what misfortunes they suffer.

1. Dustin Pedroia, 2B – Lost forever in a Boston snowdrift that was taller than his head.

2. Mike Trout, CF – He’s the Darryl Strawberry character who actually makes it to the game; because he’s perfect in every way.

3. Giancarlo Stanton, RF – Gigantism.

4. Miguel Cabrera, 1B – Stuck, like a hamster in a wheel, on a special gravity-defying treadmill.

5. Adrian Beltre, 3B – Death by a thousand taps on the head.

6. Bryce Harper, LF – Kidnapped by a jealous Krusty after being inundated with endless clown questions, bro.

7. Troy Tulowitzki, SS – Kicked off the team for not shaving his sideburns.

8. Jonathan Lucroy, C – Breaks another hand in search for missing socks.

9. Madison Bumgarner, P – Hypnosis goes wrong and he’s made to think he’s the female Madison Bumgarner he once dated.

Note that Harper was not yet born, and Trout was just 197 days old when the episode originally aired. Thankfully, Trout is a righty so Mr. Burns wouldn’t be forced to pinch-hit for him in the ninth to play the percentages. But not even Mr. Burns would pinch-hit for Mike Trout, right?

Happy birthday, “Homer at the Bat.”

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Ian Denomme is an editor for Yahoo Sports. Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.