Roundtable: Who would you cast in a baseball version of ‘Space Jam?’
“Space Jam 2” is happening … well, supposedly. After years of speculation, the rumors have started swirling again. LeBron James’ production company already has a big deal with Warner Bros., and the project is looking good now that Justin Lin has reportedly signed on to direct.
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While we’re excited about the prospect of another “Space Jam” movie here at The Stew, we have to express some disappointment as well. How can they make a second “Space Jam” about basketball when they haven’t made one about baseball yet?
Instead of sitting around and complaining, we decided to take action. We’re going to do the work for Warner Brothers in order to help this movie get made. In order to do this, we have to start with casting.
In our version of “Space Jam: Baseball,” the Michael Jordan role will be played by Bryce Harper. You may disagree with that, but he’s the perfect choice. He’s young, exceptionally talented, full of personality and he’s the kind of baseball player big companies want to invest in. Harper could pull off acting in a full-length movie better than Mike Trout or Clayton Kershaw or whomever else you want to cast. Deal with it.
With that settled, we need to pick our Monstars. That’s where the Big League Stew crew comes in. We asked our experts to cast at least one player they think would make the perfect member of the evil, alien team set to take on Harper and the Looney Tunes.
Who did we pick? And, more importantly, who did we miss? Let’s get to it.
GIANCARLO STANTON, OUTFIELDER, MIAMI MARLINS
Who’s the biggest, baddest, strongest slugger in the game? Look no further than Giancarlo Stanton, the Miami Marlins beast of an outfielder who is 6-foot-6, weighs 240 pounds and hits 500-feet homers.
[Elsewhere: Trayce Thompson smashed a home run that didn’t come down]
So if I were a chump from outer space looking to steal someone’s baseball ability for “Bryce Jam” (or whatever), Stanton would be at the top of the list. There’s enough power there for almost an entire Monstar team and certainly enough to go head-to-head with Bryce Harper. Choosing Stanton also makes sense when it’s revealed in the movie that Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is playing the role of bad-guy owner Mr. Swackhammer. (Mike Oz)
Even the menacing Monstars had a player you might underestimate due to physical stature. In the original “Space Jam” it was diminutive point guard Muggsy Bogues. In our baseball version it absolutely has to be Jose Altuve.
The Houston Astros second baseman stands 5-foot-5, but his game makes him an All-Star, or in this case, a Monstar. Between his great hitting ability, game-changing speed and the fact he’d look awesome as a cartoon character, there’s not a player in MLB that fits the Monstar criteria better than Altuve. Let’s make this happen. (Israel Fehr)
If you’re building a team to combat the powers of Bryce Harper, you have to start by borrowing from his arch-nemesis, Matt Harvey. Known in baseball circles as “The Dark Knight,” Harvey brings plenty of personality and notoriety to the baseball Monstars.
[Elsewhere: David Ortiz will play himself in a film about the Boston bombing]
He also brings a skill set that has so far baffled Harper during their on-field battles. In 23 plate appearances, Harper is hitless with three walks serving as his only measure of success. Simply put, Matt Harvey is the perfect antagonist. (Mark Townsend)
If Harper is filling the Michael Jordan role in this hypothetical, then I have to go with a member of Harper’s real-life team as the perfect fit for a nemesis. Yes, that’s right. It has to be Jonathan Papelbon.
We all remember the run-in these two had in the Nationals’ dugout last season when Harper didn’t run hard to first and Papelbon called him out and then attacked him. He’s the perfect villain here. I’m seeing Papelbon as the Swackhammer character and owner of the amusement park planet Moron Mountain. Perfect fit. I could also see Papelbon as a Monstar pitcher who gives up the game-winning home run to Harper and tries to attack him when Harper flips his bat and has a little too much fun in the magic moment. (Kyle Ringo)
“Space Jam: Baseball Edition” needs to have A-Rod, but not in the way you think. Rodriguez, jealous that Harper is ushering in a new era, decides to do the unthinkable and lead the Monstars against the planet Earth.
[Elsewhere: Everything the Yankees are doing is awful]
That’s right, A-Rod plays the main villain and is in change of the Monstars. He steals the talent of the great young players around the league and decides which ones make the best animated caricatures. Rodriguez remains in human form the whole time. It’s diabolical and evil, and it’s everything the A-Rod haters want him to be. We think we he have a lot of fun embracing his inner heel for the role. It’s also an opportunity for him to get some free advertising for A-Rod Corp. Is that the Oscars calling? (Chris Cwik)
MIKE TROUT AND DAVID ORTIZ AND LIZ JUST WRITES THE PLOT OF THE MOVIE
I have to start with the casting of Bryce Harper as the Michael Jordan of “Space Jam 2: This Time It’s About Baseball.” It’s not that I don’t think he’s perfect for it, because he is. He has a lot of personality and all the talent. But look at him. He looks like he could be a Monstar right now, and he’s not even animated. With all that attitude, he’s actually more perfect as the main Monstar. That would leave Mike Trout as the Michael Jordan, and as long as the writers of the film can work in Trout’s love of meteorology and the Philadelphia Eagles, I think he’ll be fine.
playing himself in an upcoming movie, so he’ll already have some practice. Jose Fernandez (and his fabulous exuberance) also needs a spot on the Monstar team for sure.
Both Trout and Harper will each need a right-hand man or a sidekick. Trout’s sidekick will need to be wacky and fun, yet sensible and thoughtful. That’s a lot for just one guy to handle, so how about two? Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo would be perfect. Harper needs someone with just as much swagger as he has, and there’s only one guy to do it: David Ortiz. He’ll beAnd of course, Derek Jeter has to be in there somewhere, just as Larry Bird was in the original. He could be broadcasting the game along with another retired baseball star. Or there could be a whole group of beloved retired players who come and watch the game together! They could even be a plot point in the movie. Hollywood, I have tons of ideas about this, so please call me. (Liz Roscher)
YOUR TURN: How would you cast the baseball version of “Space Jam?”
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Mike Oz is the editor of Big League Stew on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter! Follow @MikeOz