How players can test positive for PEDs after having sex

Over the years, we’ve heard a variety of excuses from athletes about how or why they got caught using performance-enhancing drugs. But there’s a really great one that we’re surprised we haven’t heard yet and it has to do with sex.

[From Jeff Passan: The sad case of Dee Gordon, another unlikely PED user for MLB]

All-Star second baseman Dee Gordon was suspended for PEDs early Friday morning after Major League Baseball found two drugs, exogenous testosterone and clostebol, in his system. The penalty is 80 games. He later released a statement confirming the positive test, but said the substances were in his body unknowingly.

Likewise, Chris Colabello of the Toronto Blue Jays was popped for PEDs last week (specifically turinabol) and claims to have no clue how they got into his body. In fact, he’s taking the I’ll-never-rest-until-I-figure-this-out approach. He also has 80 games to figure it out.

According to a PED primer from explainer-site Inverse, there’s one defense that anyone who gets caught using clostebol could employ: Knockin’ the boots. Have a read, emphasis ours:

While clostebol is only effective as an anabolic steroid when injected intravenously, numerous reports over the past decade exist of athletes testing positive for the drug after taking legal medications or even having sex with women who use gynecological products that use it. Gordon’s statement did not go into detail on how he imagines the drug entered his system, but clostebol does have a reputation as one of the few anabolic steroids that may actually show up on tests by accident.

Ain’t that something? Since Gordon was busted for two PEDs, this defense wouldn’t have worked for him. And it wouldn’t worked for Colabello, since he tested positive for a different drug. So we’ll wait. One day it will happen. Someone will get popped for clostebol and use it.

And when it does, we’ll call it “The Shaggy Defense.”