Feature Presentation: 2015-16 BDL Bench of the Year

We at Ball Don’t Lie enjoy healthy debate about basketball and its strange cast of characters, from Oscar Robertson’s “get off my lawn” diatribe on Stephen Curry to D’Angelo Russell’s sting operation on a self-dubbed dude named Swaggy P and his Australian hip hop artist fiancé. (Yup, those things happened.) It’s NBA with a twist here at the BDL, so we wanted to stir the pot and shake up the league’s annual awards.

BDL BENCH OF THE YEAR

We’ll get to that Second Team roster in a moment, because I’m sure you have questions about any roster that features three foreign 7-footers who average fewer rebounds combined than 25 players this season.

Bench of the Year is born out of boredom with a system that arbitrarily recognizes the first guy off the bench — presumably the sixth-best player — on a 15-man roster in a 30-team league. Why no Seventh Man of the Year? “It’s like you’re dreamin’ about Gorgonzola cheese when it’s clearly Brie time, baby.”

We prefer to recognize a roster in full, from invaluable Sixth Men of the Year screen stealers (First Team) to entertaining end-of-the-bench seat fillers (Second Team). Think of our First Team as the year’s five best reserves to complete a 10-man rotation and the Second Team as The Brian Scalabrine All-Stars — the most fun handful of dudes to wave a white towel on the end of the bench and a white flag off it.

AND THE WINNERS ARE …

FIRST TEAM

Will Barton, Denver Nuggets (unanimous): Nobody scored more off the bench than Barton, who netted nearly 200 more points than the next-most prolific reserve, and only two backup bigs corraled more boards among non-starters. Plus, “The People’s Champ” fist-bumped a baby to help stuff the ballot box.

Dennis Schroder, Atlanta Hawks (unanimous): On top of an unusual Uno habit and a penchant for playing through pain, particularly when it comes to losing teeth, the 22-year-old’s point guard play off the bench seems to have the Hawks prepping to move on from 2015 All-Star Jeff Teague this summer.

Andre Iguodala, Golden State Warriors (unanimous): Prior to the season, Iguodala said of a Sixth Man honor, “I’m not a fan of the award, actually. It’s like affirmative action or something (like that) to me,” and we know he’s not popping a bottle of champagne after this selection, but we can’t leave a key reserve — and the reigning NBA Finals MVP — on a 72-win team off this roster, even if it’s against his will.

Patrick Patterson, Toronto Raptors: Amir Johnson left for Boston and newly signed swingman DeMarre Carroll suffered a serious knee injury, but Patterson held the fort, energizing the defense and creating space with his shot-making and screen-setting. Oh, and he has an actual Raptor skull in his home.

Tristan Thompson, Cleveland Cavaliers: Thompson held out for a monster contract well into training camp, and while the Cavs may one day regret paying him an average of $16.4 million per season through 2020, Thompson elevated Cleveland’s offense to another level, converting two-thirds of his 329 attempts inside of five feet and cleaning up the offensive glass when his teammates weren’t so efficient.

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SECOND TEAM

Boban Marjanovic, San Antonio Spurs (unanimous): Granted, the 7-foot-3 Serbian has Hulk Hands, but as our fearless leader Kelly Dwyer said, beyond the meme-y gimmicks, Boban’s got skills, even if we’ve only seen them for flashes. And he once scared the daylights out of Tyler Hansbrough, which we like.

Marcelo Huertas, Los Angeles Lakers: One one hand, he followed a failed one-legged 3-point attempt with an over-the-head, two-handed reverse heave from even further, in a matter of seconds against the Heat. On the other, he was the best player on the floor down the stretch of one of the league’s 10 wins against the Warriors this year. As a result, his Bench of the Year award rests comfortably in both hands.

Lucas “Bebe” Nogueira, Toronto Raptors: Our intro to Bebe began with an attempt to place a hat atop his giant hair on draft day in 2013, and while the 7-footer has only appeared sparingly in Toronto ever since, the fact our votes were cast before this tweet ever happened says a lot about his selection here:

Bebe told us about his passion for playing the bass, says he wants to be the next Flea. How long has he been playing? “3 weeks”. GOAT

— Josh Lewenberg (@JLew1050) March 30, 2016

Salah Mejri, Dallas Mavericks: If you’re the only Tunisian to ever set foot on an NBA floor, you’ve got a leg up on the competition for this honor, and when you’re also 7-foot-2, the scale tips further in your favor. But when you also posterize All-Defensive mainstay Serge Ibaka, it’s a foregone conclusion.

Andre Miller, Minnesota Timberwolves/San Antonio Spurs: With his old-man moves, Miller might exist in the NBA for perpetuity, and while we respect that his buyout from Minnesota afforded him an opportunity with San Antonio to win a ring at age 40, there was something we just loved about one of the 10 most prolific assist men in NBA history working alongside those young Wolves. To put a finer point on it:

AND THE NOMINEES WERE …

AND NOW A WORD FROM THE ACADEMY …

We understand some of the fun comes with picking apart the voting panel and publicly shaming their misfires, so we’ll do our best to explain ourselves before you folks let us have it in the comment section.

Jamal Crawford, Los Angeles Clippers

ERIC FREEMAN: I was really looking forward to each dysfunctional Clippers reserve having one random star performance in the playoffs to win the team a game. Jamal will carry on their legacy.

Jrue Holiday, New Orleans Pelicans

DAN DEVINE: After missing the bulk of the last two seasons with leg injuries (thanks again, Sam), Holiday bounced back to play 65 games, working through a minutes limit to average 17 points, 6.4 assists and 3.4 rebounds off the bench. He likely won’t stay a sub much longer — he played really well after re-entering the starting lineup for nine of his last 10 appearances before suffering an orbital wall fracture, and Anthony Davis looked more like the monster we remembered playing more minutes alongside Holiday — but he reintroduced himself to the NBA world this season as one of the game’s most potent sixth men.

Enes Kanter, Oklahoma City Thunder

BEN ROHRBACH: OK, so he may not be worth $17.5 million a year, but duckets be damned, he’s averaging 13 and 8, while ranking among the league’s top 10 in true shooting percentage (62.9), rebound percentage (21.1), player efficiency rating (24.5) and win shares per 48 minutes (.230). Defensive deficiencies aside, that’s an impressive résumé, especially for someone playing for the West’s third seed.

Hassan Whiteside, Miami Heat

KELLY DWYER: He’ll finish the year with only 40 starts, just missing the cut, and he’s performed monstrously off the bench.

Chris “Birdman-Grizzzilla” Andersen, Miami Heat/Memphis Grizzlies

ERIC FREEMAN: I suppose the Grizzlies’ end-of-season injury woes mean Andersen has not been a random end-of-bench type. But he at least has the image of one, and that’s why he made my list. It would have been all too easy for Birdman to descend into self-parody in his dotage, and adopting the “Grizzzilla” moniker while playing the exact same way he always has, only worse, would seem to qualify. Yet his attitude makes it so he will always remain likable and avoid the horrors of Nate Robinson-dom. Congratulations, Birdman. You will always soar.

Cameron Bairstow, Chicago Bulls

BEN ROHRBACH: I’m enjoying the NBA’s influx of Australians, because Aussies rule, and there’s something about Bairstow’s plodding style and sweet, sweet follow-through that makes me feel like I might’ve made something of myself had I grown another eight inches and held onto my hair.

Leandro Barbosa, Golden State Warriors

ERIC FREEMAN: Conventional wisdom says players mature as they age, gaining perspective and the ability to see moves before they happen. More often than not, this change manifests itself as a sort of deliberateness of movement. What I love about Barbosa is that he plays pretty much the same way as he did during his best years with the Phoenix Suns, just more slowly and less effectively. He is baseball’s Ichiro Suzuki, an aging vet who refuses to compromise his style or approach to fall into step with the aging process. The Warriors depend on him for plenty off the bench, most notably his insistence on pushing the tempo, but for me his best quality is his stubbornness.

Boris Diaw, San Antonio Spurs

KELLY DWYER: I’m a sucker for big men with skills … and big waists.

Joe Ingles, Utah Jazz

KELLY DWYER: “Ingles” is German for “the extra pass.”

Shaun Livingston, Golden State Warriors

KELLY DWYER: Not enough Scottie Pippen-types on your roster, Golden State? OK, here’s a third one that was close to retirement a decade ago that is also going to win a lot of games for you.

Shabazz Muhammad, Minnesota Timberwolves

KELLY DWYER: There’s something about a black hole in the second quarter that I adore.

Marreese Speights, Golden State Warriors

DAN DEVINE: For the first half of the Warriors’ title defense, Speights hung around the fringes of Golden State’s rotation, not providing as much playmaking, defense or versatility to earn major minutes at a five spot occupied by Andrew Bogut, Festus Ezeli and (increasingly, thanks to the Death Lineup) Draymond Green. Once Ezeli went down with a knee injury, though, Steve Kerr needed Speights, and he’s answered the call, working harder to protect the paint and clean the glass, stepping confidently into his pick-and-pop jumpers, and even helping space the Dubs’ second unit by knocking down well over 40 percent of his 3-point tries. So much about the Warriors can be ridiculous on a game-to-game basis, and it’s hard to come up with a better example of that than the legitimate rise of Mo Buckets the Splash Cousin.

CUE THE AUDIENCE REACTION …

2015-16 BDL AWARDS

IN THEATERS NOW: Bench of the Year

COMING SOON: Coach(ing Change) of the Year • Defensive Unit of the Year • (Non-Lottery) Rookie of the Year • Executive (Decision) of the Year • (2nd) Most Valuable Player • Most (Random) Improved Player • Comeback Player of the Year • All-Potential Team • All-Defensive* Team • All-BDL Team

WE REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU

First and foremost, we’d like to thank Yahoo Sports Photos and Multimedia Manager Amber Matsumoto for her tireless work on graphics. None of this would’ve been possible without her. And special thanks to Basketball Reference and NBA.com/stats for statistics, CBS Sports’ Ananth Pandian and NBA Live Talk for the Vines, ProProfs Poll Maker for the poll and, of course, Patrick Patterson for his Instagram.

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Ben Rohrbach is a contributor for Ball Don’t Lie and Shutdown Corner on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter! Follow @brohrbach