‘DWTS’ recap: Von Miller is ‘soft and silky.’ Let the jokes begin!

“Dancing with the Stars” welcomed many an NFL player over its first 21 seasons, but Season 22, which premiered on Monday, March 21, features three: newly-minted Super Bowl MVP Von Miller from the Denver Broncos, Pittsburgh Steelers All-Pro Antonio Brown and former Heisman Trophy winner Doug Flutie, a Canadian Football League legend who also spent 13 years in the NFL. We’ll be posting recaps each Tuesday and Wednesday morning until all three are eliminated – or one wins.

Doug Flutie was the first NFLer to take the dance floor during Monday’s premiere. Though he’s 53, Flutie’s last snaps as a football player were just over a decade ago, as he spent the 2005 season with the New England Patriots. Gillette Stadium is a few miles from the town of Natick, where Flutie and many of his family members have been high school stars, and Boston College, where he won the Heisman in 1984.

And after his first dance, Flutie has to hope there were a lot of calls and texts coming in from Massachusetts area codes with votes to keep him on. He wasn’t terrible – Geraldo Rivera was far worse – but Flutie said in his intro video that despite his wife being a former dance teacher and his daughter being a dancer he isn’t very good, and he wasn’t wrong.

Flutie and his dance pro partner Karina Smirnoff danced the foxtrot to “Sweet Caroline,” a song that has somehow become an anthem among Red Sox fans, played at many Fenway Park games; Flutie dedicated his dance to his fans in New England. He gave it a great effort, which was noted by judge Carrie Ann Inaba (more on her later), and judge Len Goodman quipped that while the song was by Neil Diamond, “it wasn’t actually a diamond performance, but it had sparkle. It had bling.”

Flutie got a score of 5 from each of the three judges, for a 15 out of 30. As first dances go, Flutie was actually pretty good and the crowd loved him, chanting his name when he was done.

Hey, if Paula Deen made it through five shows last season before she was finally voted off, Flutie has to last a few weeks.

Odds of winning: 22/1 (Flutie fans will get it)

Brown, as you’d expect, was a smiling, high-energy showman. He was of course wearing his now-famous Lego-inspired high top fade, and had a few of his Steelers teammates on hand for the show.

We learn in his intro video that Brown has a thing for catchphrases – on this night it was, “How’s business? Booming!”

Partnered with dance pro Sharna Burgess, Brown danced a quickstep, a tough assignment for Week 1. The two wore black-and-gold costumes, natch.

Goodman knocked Brown for “losing control” at times, but judge Bruno Tonioli said Brown reminded him of Season 2 winner Emmitt Smith for his “megawatt charm.”

And Inaba, well let’s just say she seemed to love her some Antonio. She gushed, “Booming! You are like, I don’t know, a beast! You’re magic!”

Ok, then.

Brown’s scores were a mixed bag – he got an 8 from Inaba, 6 from Goodman and 7 from Tonioli for a total of 21.

Odds of winning: 6/1

Miller was the last dancer of the night. He’s paired with Witney Carson, and in their intro video, Carson immediately notes how big Miller is compared to her – she’s 5-foot-3, a full foot shorter than Miller.

“When we stand next to each other, I look like I’m his child!,” Carson says with a laugh. Miller calls the petite blonde his “Barbie drill sergeant” which is exactly something you’d expect Von Miller to say.

Miller seems out of his element a bit, but he made a game effort in his shiny Broncos blue suit with orange tie, dancing the foxtrot to Flo Rida’s “Welcome to my house.”

Like Brown, Miller also had teammates on hand, and his got to be part of his show: Miller’s dance opened with him at a glitzy interview table, flanked by his teammates, and after answering “Dancing with the stars” after being asked what’s next for him as Super Bowl MVP, he jumped over the table and his teammates clapped and swayed to the music.

Berman gave Miller credit for not taking the “soft” option and doing the formal holds the foxtrot requires instead of a mostly hip-hop routine and Tonioli raves that Miller has “bucket loads of charisma and presence.”

Once again, Inaba gushed.

“You guys have all gone way past my expectations. Where Antonio was fiery and kind of wild, what I love about you is you’re soft and silky!” which kind of sounds like how we’d describe a nice set of sheets from Bed, Bath & Beyond, but hey, it’s her world, we’re just here for a chuckle.

Miller’s scores were the same as Brown’s: 8 from Inaba, 6 from Goodman and 7 from Tonioli for a total of 21.

Odds of winning: 7/1