Kyle Busch hosts a NASCAR Christmas Party
[Scene: 2015 Sprint Cup champion Kyle Busch hosts a Christmas party at his house to help celebrate his title. Busch rolls to the door to greet his first guest, as he’s still recovering from postseason surgery to remove rods and plates from his leg and foot. No, this is not real.]
Kurt Busch: Hey little brother! Brought my trophy to the party. Figured it’d look good next to yours. Where should I put it?
Kyle Busch: My trophy is over by that mural there given to me by Mars. You can put yours on the other side of the mural. Pro tip: don’t eat the brown bits next to the M&Ms.
Kurt Busch: Thanks, brother. Bad batch of chocolate?
Kyle Busch: Not exactly.
Denny Hamlin: Hey guys, what’s up? I’m going to go outside and play some basketball. Want to join me?
Kyle Busch: No thanks, Denny. I don’t need to get hurt again.
Matt Kenseth: I’ll go play. I’ve got nothing else to do.
Brian France: I’ll come supervise. Perhaps we can have an elimination style one-on-one tournament.
Michael Waltrip: Hey guys! I’m here! I brought a TV from Aaron’s with me. It was just $300 a month for 24 months! Oh, would you like to meet my date Rebecca Kampus?
Kyle Busch: Hi Rebecca, good to meet you. Did Aaron’s check your credit? You can put the TV in the living room if you want, Michael. I think Chip Ganassi and his drivers are hanging out in there.
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Hey y’all. I brought banana and mayonnaise sandwiches for everyone. I’ll put them in the kitchen.
Tony Stewart: I like food, but man, I’m not sure about those.
Jimmie Johnson: Hey guys, sorry I’m a little late. Had to bike over here after a cheap part failed on my car.
Tony Stewart: I would have just called Uber, Jimmie.
*Everyone is startled by the sound of what appears to be a plane flying very low and nearby. It gets louder and slowly comes to a stop. Kyle Busch rolls to the front door to see what’s going on. Carl Edwards emerges from a small plane in the middle of the street.*
Kyle Busch: What the…
Carl Edwards: Hey Kyle, figured I’d fly my plane here. Is this a cool place to park it? Just want to thank all the guys back at the shop powered by their Stanley Tools and Arris modems and I also have a bunch of Subway sandwiches in the back.
*Edwards walks in. But he sees a shadowy figure between some of the cars parked outside Busch’s house.*
Carl Edwards: Kyle, I think you have a prowler.
Kyle Busch: Can you check it out for me?
Carl Edwards: Oh, it looks like it’s Ryan Newman. Newman, what are you doing squatting down by Hamlin’s tires? And why are the tires on Johnson’s bike flat? Are you poking holes in people’s tires?
Ryan Newman: Crap.
*Newman runs off*
Joey Logano: Hey guys. Brad and I are here. I brought Cokes and he brought Miller Lite. Who’s ready to party?
Kyle Busch: *blank stare*
Kevin Harvick: I already brought the Busch Light, Keselowski.
Brad Keselowski: Well some people want a true pilsner.
Kyle Busch: There’s a basketball game going on out back if you want to go play.
Joey Logano: Sweet.
*Kyle Busch rolls into the kitchen, sees a sad Michael Waltrip.*
Kyle Busch: What’s wrong, Michael? Does your TV not work?
Michael Waltrip: No, it’s worse than that, Kyle. Rebecca is sitting next to Chip on the couch and they’re getting all flirty. I don’t think she likes me any longer.
Kyle Busch: Why don’t you go outside and play some basketball.
Matt Kenseth: Yeah, you can take my spot, I just got kicked out of the game by Brian France.
Kyle Busch: What happened?
Matt Kenseth: He thinks I committed a flagrant foul against Logano. But I thought we were playing no blood no foul. He’s not bleeding!
Denny Hamlin: Ow, guys, I’m out too. I think I tore my ACL.
Kyle Busch: Again? Do you have any ACLs left to tear?
Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Is Gordon coming to this thing?
Jimmie Johnson: No, he’s at the beach. He offered to send Chase Elliott in his spot but he’s not old enough to drink. And the whole NAPA thing would probably send Waltrip into a tailspin at this point. It’s a good thing he’s not here.
Brian France: I have declared Brad Keselowski and Joey Logano the winners of the basketball tournament. They are my favorite drivers in NASCAR and I will do anything to let them win in 2016. Let’s eat.
Kyle Busch: Thanks for coming, everyone. May you all have a Merry Christmas … KURT! I told you not to eat the brown things next to the M&Ms!
Kurt Busch: But they looked good. What are they?
Kyle Busch: Pedigree dog food.
Kurt Busch: I thought they had a weird taste.
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Nick Bromberg is the editor of From The Marbles on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter!
