NFL Week 15 Picks: Steelers beat Broncos, Texans over Colts, Bills win – CBSSports.com

My original plan this week was to not write anything at all and just get in line for the new Star Wars movie, but then I realized that if I did that, I’d be letting down the thousands and thousands of people who count on my picks every week — and by “thousands and thousands of people,” I mean mostly my mom.

Although I won’t be waiting in line this week, you know who probably will be?

Aaron Rodgers. And I’m basing that guess completely off the fact that Rodgers is the only NFL quarterback I know of who owns an Obi-Wan Kenobi cloak, or any cloak for that matter.

LOOK: Olivia Munn outs Aaron Rodgers as Jedi Obi-Wan Kenobi https://t.co/JcoE3cD4OD pic.twitter.com/DcVT22ihqV

— Christopher John (@thetechguychris) December 13, 2015

I bet Rodgers is making the Packers practice in a movie theater parking lot this week, just so he doesn’t lose his spot in line. I bet he’s also going to give the guy below free tickets to every Packers game for the rest of his life.

Darth Vader is a @packers fan. #StarWars pic.twitter.com/F7KjeQVU5d

— NFL UK (@NFLUK) December 13, 2015

I also bet that Rodgers has these Stars Wars helmets on back order because he’s going make his teammates wear them at Green Bay’s next home game. “Oh, you don’t want to wear the Jabba the Hutt helmet I bought for you? HOW ABOUT I DON’T THROW YOU THE BALL THEN!”

Star Wars version of #Packers helmet pic.twitter.com/WtDwtLRPsg

— Tyler J (@_Tyler_J_) February 4, 2014

By the way, I’m now convinced that Rodgers used a Jedi mind trick to complete that Hail Mary to beat the Lions because that would actually explain everything.

Anyway, Rodgers might be the only quarterback who owns an Obi-Wan cloak, but he’s not the only quarterback who does Jedi mind tricks. I’m 60 percent sure Johnny Manziel was doing one to a tablet over the weekend.

This is Johnny Manziel getting frustrated at Microsoft’s Tablet OS. pic.twitter.com/Cr39HAcft2

— Phil Davis (@DT_PhilDavis) December 14, 2015

That’s a Jedi mind trick, right? Or is it learning by Osmosis? It’s one or the other, and whatever it was, it worked. Good for Johnny.

Imagine how good the Browns would be this year if their quarterbacks had spent all season slamming their head against a tablet.

If you’re thinking about slamming your tablet, phone or laptop against your head, don’t do it because we’re about to get to the picks.

Before we get to the picks though, here’s your weekly reminder that you can check out the picks from every CBSSports.com NFL Expert by clicking here.

The reason you should click over and check out the other experts this week is because my CBSSport.com colleague Ryan Wilson went 10-6 against the spread, which is actually pretty good when you consider that almost all of his spare time is spent making a podcast with an 8-year-old.

I can’t judge Wilson though because his 8-year-old has better Star Wars takes than i do.

Talked to my 8-year-old about new Star Wars trailer, his love of fart-related humor & Steelers QB “Launrdy” Jones. https://t.co/QpKTt8eFOf

— ryan wilson (@ryanwilson_07) October 23, 2015

Enough Star Wars talk, let’s get to the picks, where I might cut down on the Star Wars talk, but probably not.

NFL Week 15 Picks

The Texans mascot is hoping to have something to cheer about on Sunday. (Instagram/TexansToro1)

at

Houston (6-7) at Indianapolis (6-7)
Sunday, Dec. 20, 1 p.m. ET (CBS)

Imagine how surprised Star Wars fans would be this week if they walked into the movie and got three hours of Jar Jar Binks armwrestling an Ewok. That’s basically what we’re getting with this game.

There’s a good chance that the two starting quarterbacks on Sunday will be T.J. Yates and Charlie Whitehurst, which is really, really weird because two months ago, Yates was out of the NFL and Whitehurst was playing for the Titans. Now, here we are in Week 15 and they could be duking it out for first place in the AFC South if Brian Hoyer (concussion) and Matt Hasselbeck (old age, beat up) can’t go.

To be honest, it doesn’t matter who starts this game for the Colts because whoever it happens to be is going to get beat up by the Texans defense, which could be bad news for Whitehurst’s perfect hair.

Now in at quarterback for the #Colts, Herbal Essences spokesperson, Charlie Whitehurst… pic.twitter.com/EFu4CheJhs

— Max Herman (@MaxHermanCBS) December 7, 2015

The pick: Texans 16-13 over Colts.

at

Buffalo (6-7) at Washington (6-7)
Sunday, Dec. 20, 1 p.m. ET (FOX)

These are the two most unpredictable teams in football, which means something predictable is probably going to happen on Sunday because that’s what would be unpredictable. Predictable would be the Redskins losing to an AFC East team. Washington is 0-3 against AFC East teams this year and 6-4 against everyone else.

On the other hand, predictable would also mean that the Bills lose this game: Buffalo is 0-2 against NFC East teams.

On the third hand, the unpredictability of the NFC East has become predictable, which means that there’s going to be a giant wrench thrown in the race his week and all three first place teams are going to lose.

Also, I think Kirk Cousins is due for a multi-interception game, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen one of those from him.

The pick: Bills 26-23 over Redskins

The Raiders will need all the help they can get to beat Green Bay. (Instagram/regularassdude518)

Green Bay (9-4) at Oakland (6-7), 4:05 p.m. ET (Fox): I was watching Beverly Hills Cop II the other day, which I’m only mentioning because it came out in 1987. That’s pertinent here because that was the LAST TIME the Raiders beat the Packers. It’s also pertinent here because the Raiders were still in Los Angeles at the time, which is near Beverly Hills.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “What does any of this have to do with who’s going to win on Sunday” and the answer is nothing, although I feel obligated to point out that Axel Foley would probably be rooting against the Packers because he’s a Lions fan.

I’ve been a Lions fan since Axel Foley. #detroitbadboys pic.twitter.com/7fz5UpIO3x

— Mike Goforth (@coachgoforth) January 4, 2015

But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s talk about the game.

If Khalil Mack terrorizes Aaron Rodgers on Sunday like he did to Brock Osweiler, then the Packers are probably going to lose. The good news for the Packers though is that they finally got their running game going in their win over the Cowboys, which was huge, because the Packers are really going to need their running game to take pressure off of Rodgers, so that Mack doesn’t maim him on every play.

The pick here seems clear: Aaron Rodgers puts on his Obi-Wan cloak and uses the Force to get the win.

The pick: Packers 27-24 over Raiders.

Storm Trooper Peyton Manning might be the Broncos best option at QB. (Twitter/BigBenior)

at

Denver (10-3) at Pittsburgh (8-5)
Sunday, Dec. 20, 4:25 p.m. ET (CBS)

The Steelers are the fifth-highest scoring team in the NFL, which is probably going to be a problem for the Broncos this week because they don’t really score at all. Over the past two weeks, Denver’s offense has scored exactly one touchdown. One touchdown isn’t going to beat the Steelers. As a matter of fact, three touchdowns probably won’t be enough to beat the Steelers either.

There’s a chance that the Broncos No. 1 ranked defense could slow the Steelers down, but I’m guessing that doesn’t happen. The Steelers put up 30 points on the NFL’s second ranked defense (Seattle) and 33 on the league’s 10th ranked defense (Cincinnati).

Basically, the Steelers can score on anyone at anytime and the Broncos can’t.

The pick: Steelers 24-17 over Broncos.

at

Arizona (11-2) at Philadelphia (6-7)
Sunday, Dec. 20, 8:30 p.m. ET (NBC)

It’s fitting that this game is being played one week after the Heisman Trophy was handed out because both teams are quarterbacked by a Heisman Trophy winner. Carson Palmer won the award in 2002, then Sam Bradford followed him up by winning it six years later, in 2008.

I’m not sure who won it this year though because I fell asleep three times during the ceremony. For real, I’m never watching another Heisman Ceremony ever again. That thing was like The Never Ending Story, except longer. I ate dinner twice while watching it and that was after falling asleep three times, and they still didn’t name the winner, so I just gave up and watched Jingle All the Way instead.

Anyway, I actually love this Eagles–Cardinals game because we get Chip Kelly vs. Bruce Arians, which has somehow turned into my favorite coaching rivalry in the NFL (My second favorite is Belichick vs. anyone).

Arians isn’t a fan of Kelly or his offense. Back in 2013, when both coaches were first hired, Arians said that Kelly’s system would never work in the NFL because it’s a “college offense.”

Let me interrupt myself real quick and ask a question: Does it kind of seem like someone has a beef with Kelly or his offense every week? It does? OK, that’s what I thought.

As for the game, Chip’s “college offense” isn’t going to be able to score enough points to keep up with Arians’ “NFL offense,” which is currently ranked No. 1 in the league.

The pick: Cardinals 30-23 over Eagles.

Reason I won’t be picking against the Panthers this week.

Three weeks ago, I swore on my Gilmore Girls DVD collection that I wouldn’t pick against the Panthers for the rest of the regular season and I’m going to stick to that even though Carolina is playing the scariest team possible: THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS.

The Panthers are the ninth team in NFL history to start 13-0 and it’s probably worth mentioning that two of the previous eight teams didn’t make it to 14-0 because of the Giants. In 1998, the Giants beat the 13-0 Broncos. In 1934, the Giants beat the 13-0 Bears. And although it doesn’t technically count, let’s not forget that the Giants beat the 18-0 Patriots in 2007.

I’m sticking with the Panthers this week though because I trust the football instincts of Ron Rivera’s mom.

I love this – Ron Rivera’s mom knows football, wants Panthers to blitz more https://t.co/qoRYSfiK9L via @cbssports

— Deanna Stallings (@dlwnc) December 13, 2015

The Panthers are going to blitz more on Sunday and Eli Manning‘s not going to know what hit him, and then after the Panthers win, Mrs. Rivera is going to get a game ball. She can also borrow my Gilmore Girls DVD’s if she wants.

The pick: Panthers 34-31 over Giants.

Week 15 picks: All the rest

Buccaneers 23-13 over Rams

Jets 23-20 over Cowboys

Vikings 22-17 over Bears

Jaguars 27-20 over Falcons

Patriots 34-17 over Titans

Chiefs 27-10 over Ravens

Seahawks 34-13 over Browns

Chargers 20-17 over Dolphins

Bengals 20-13 over 49ers

Saints 30-27 over Lions

Last Week

Best Pick: Last week, I picked the Jaguars to upset the Colts and then the Jaguars went out and upset the Colts. Not only did the Jaguars win, but they scored 50 points, which was so surprising that some people didn’t even think they’d be alive to ever witness it happen.

Jaguars putting up 50 points never thought I would see that in my lifetime

— Rick Holt (@Rdawgthehawg71) December 13, 2015

The Jaguars have put up 50 points in an opponent. What a time to be alive

— Carsen Willey (@CarsenAF) December 13, 2015

To be fair though, I can’t completely blame the Colts for falling apart because how is anyone supposed to concentrate in Jacksonville.

The ultimate home-field advantage? (Instagram/jus10wilcox–Instagram/kelsibrowne)

Trying to play football when there’s a mascot belly-flop contest going on is borderline impossible. Trust me, I’ve tried many times. The Jaguars also have the only stadium where girls are encouraged to wear bikinis to the game. It’s almost not fair.

The Jaguars’ pool is clearly the new best home-field advantage in football.

By the way, if you want to see Jaxson de Ville finish off that belly flop, and who doesn’t, just click here.

Speaking of belly flops, let’s get to my worst picks from Week 14.

Worst Pick: Last week, I basically jinxed everyone. I picked the Bengals over the Steelers and then Andy Dalton went out and fractured his thumb. I also picked the Texans to beat the Patriots and then J.J. Watt immediately went out and broke his right hand in practice.

I’m literally afraid for every team I’m picking to win this week. If Cam Newton‘s right arm falls off his body during practice on Thursday, blame me and my dumb pick. If Tom Brady has to get seven stitches because he gets in an accident involving broken Christmas Ornaments, blame me.

Actually, who am I kidding, that’s not going to happen to Brady, he let’s Gisele do all the dangerous stuff.

This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service – if this is your content and you’re reading it on someone else’s site, please read the FAQ at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php#publishers.