NFL Week 11 Picks: Vikings over Packers, Bears upset Broncos – CBSSports.com
For many of you, if I were to ask you what your worst nightmare is, it would probably involve being stuck in an airplane with a bunch of Patriots fans.
That actually happened to someone on Sunday and that someone was kind of enough to film his harrowing experience so we could all experience the nightmare together.
It’s good! @JetBlue flight ORL-BOS #NEvsNYG pic.twitter.com/WidZQY8UQw
— Daniel J Sullivan (@DJSullySullivan) November 16, 2015
I’m kidding Patriots fans, I’d love to be on plane with you. As long the flight is less than 45 minutes long and I don’t actually have to talk to anybody.
Anyway, if your worst nightmare isn’t being on a plane with Patriots fans, then maybe it’s having your head ripped off by an NFL linebacker, which ironically enough, almost happened to Johnny Manziel on Sunday.
Johnny Manziel looking out his earhole on this face mask from Arthur Moats pic.twitter.com/tWcpb3qgNu
— The Cauldron (@TheCauldron) November 15, 2015
Don’t worry about Manziel, though, because the Browns have a bye this week, which means Johnny has some extra time to find someone who can reattach his head to his body.
Speaking of having your head reattached to your body, Russell Wilson might have to have that done too because according to Marshawn Lynch‘s agent, Wilson’s head isn’t in a great place right now.
To be honest though, I don’t really care where Wilson’s head is right now because the Seahawks are playing against Blaine Gabbert this week and there’s a zero percent chance I’m going to pick Gabbert’s team to win.
Who else has a zero percent chance of winning this week?
Let’s get to the picks and find out.
Actually, before we get to the picks, here’s your weekly reminder that you can check out the picks from every CBSSports.com NFL Expert by clicking here.
The reason you should click over and check out the other experts this week is because, you know what, you shouldn’t. For once, I had the best picks of the week, which probably has everything to do with the fact that the NFL completely lost its marbles in Week 10: Road teams went 11-3, underdogs went 10-4 and the Lions beat the Packers in Green Bay for the first time since 1991.
It was pure craziness: Up was down. Left was green. East was meat loaf! NOTHING MADE SENSE. Sometimes my picks don’t make sense either though.
Week 11 Picks
Packers fans are painting their faces so people don’t know they’re Packers fans. (Instagram/amp923)
 |
at |  |
Green Bay (6-3) at Minnesota (7-2)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 4:25 p.m. ET (FOX)
I’ve learned several important things about the Packers over the past few weeks, namely: They can’t win on the road, they can’t win at home, they can’t beat a good defense and they can’t even beat the Lions. The bad news for Green Bay is that nothing they’re trying seems to be working. Aaron Rodgers is in a funk, the defense is in a funk, even the kicker’s in a funk. You know who’s not in a funk? The Vikings.
Minnesota has won five straight games and coach Mike Zimmer is so desperate to see his team win a sixth straight game, he’s had t-shirts made for everyone.
Safe to say #Vikings are on to Green Bay. Linval Joseph walks into locker room today in a team shirt, on back reads “BEAT GREEN BAY”
— Andrew Krammer (@Andrew_Krammer) November 16, 2015
I never pick against a coach who has t-shirts made for his team. I also never pick against Adrian Peterson when he’s going up against a bad run defense, like he will be on Sunday, when he faces the Packers 24th-ranked rushing defense. Most importantly though, I never pick against curses.
Next level jinxing: Packers are now 0-3 since Ditka showed up on national TV in this sweater https://t.co/60Uyi84h1I pic.twitter.com/t4gB2JenBy
— John Breech (@johnbreech) November 16, 2015
The Pick: Vikings 24-23 over Packers.
 |
at |  |
Cincinnati (8-1) at Arizona (7-2)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 8:30 p.m. ET (NBC)
If someone came up to you and offered you $11 million to play for the Bengals, you’d say yes. I’m not sure what position you’d play because I don’t know you, but it’s $11 million, so you’ll play wherever they put you. You know who turned down $11 million to play for the Bengals? Carson Palmer.
Back in 2011, Palmer, who had four years left on his contract with Cincinnati, decided that he’d rather retire than play for the Bengals. Palmer’s retirement threat led the Bengals to draft Andy Dalton in April 2011. Then, for six awkward months after the draft, the two players were teammates even though they kind of weren’t teammates because Palmer never showed up at practice because he was “retired.”
Palmer’s pseudo-retirement ended in October 2011 when he was traded from Cincinnati to Oakland. A year and half later, he was traded from Oakland to Arizona, which brings us to where we are today, in a situation that’s exactly like when Ginger Spice left the Spice Girls because she thought she was too good for them.
There’s a lot of Bengals on the current roster who remember the Spice Girls breaking up, or, I mean, who remember Palmer turning his back on them and I expect them to be playing with a chip on their shoulder. Baby Spice sang with a chip on her shoulder for six years. Palmer’s only been gone from Cincinnati for four.
The Pick: Bengals 30-27 over Cardinals.
The Bengals might need to start rubbing this guy’s beard for luck before night games. (Instagram/dnise122)
Weekly Andy Dalton prime-time note: It’s not clear what Daytime Dalton’s mental state is going to be on Sunday since this game was originally scheduled for 1 p.m. WILL HE PLAY LIKE IT’S 1 P.M. OR IS PRIMETIME DALTON GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING? Unfortunately for us, “Daytime Dalton Theory” doesn’t account for games that get flexed. Basically, the NFL needs to stop flexing Bengals games into prime time so we know which Andy we’re going to get. Bengals games are so easy to predict when Afternoon Andy is playing.
Week 11 Picks: Backup quarterback edition
This might be the only Brock Osweiler jersey not owned by Brock Osweiler. (Instagram/Lauren_elissa12)
 |
at |  |
Denver (7-2) at Chicago (4-5)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 1 p.m. ET (CBS)
All Brock Osweiler has to do on Sunday is not throw four interceptions and he’ll be a step up from what Peyton Manning‘s been for the Broncos lately. This game isn’t an easy one to pick because I know zero about Brock Osweiler’s ability to play quarterback in the NFL. The good news for me though is that the person who probably knows the most about Osweiler’s NFL ability is going to be on Chicago’s sideline this week and that person is former Broncos coach John Fox. If I’ve learned one thing this season, it’s “Don’t pick against John Fox when the Bears are playing against an AFC West team.”
I’ve learned a few other things, but that’s like one of the main five.
Apparently, Fox is out for revenge against the division this season because the Bears are 3-0 against AFC West teams in 2015 and 1-5 against everyone else.
The Pick: Bears 19-16 over Broncos
 |
at |  |
Indianapolis (4-5) at Atlanta (6-3)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 1 p.m. ET (CBS)
I know exactly one Colts fan and when he heard that Andrew Luck was going to be out for 2-6 weeks, there was a glimmer of hope in his eye and I knew exactly what he was thinking at that instant, “Maybe we’ll be better off with Matt Hasselbeck.” The answer is no you won’t, Colts fans. Hasselbeck was good because the two teams he played — Houston and Jacksonville — were bad and they had no idea what was coming because there was no recent film on him. Hasselbeck was also good because the Jaguars and Texans were both completely shocked that his 40-year-old body made it through four quarters alive. Anyway, whatever Hasselbeck throws for on Sunday, Matt Ryan will double it because he gets to go up against the Colts 28th ranked passing defense.
The Pick: Falcons 30-24 over Colts
Can one of these guys lead the Eagles to a win on Sunday? (Instagram/Mark_Sanchez)
 |
at |  |
Tampa Bay (4-5) at Philadelphia (4-5)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 1 p.m. ET (FOX)
I’ve seen Mark Sanchez play so many times that I already know how this game’s going to play out: Sanchize is going to throw two interceptions: One of them will probably be a pick-6 and the one that’s not a pick-6 will come at a pivotal point late in the game. The good news for Eagles fans is that all the bad with Sanchez generally comes with some upside: He’s usually good for at least two touchdown passes.
The Pick: Buccaneers 20-17 over Eagles.
 |
at |  |
St. Louis (4-5) at Baltimore (2-7)
Sunday, Nov. 22, 1 p.m. ET (FOX)
Now that Nick Foles has been benched, I can’t use him as a reason to pick against the Rams anymore — Or can I? Foles has been benched in favor of a quarterback, Case Keenum, who has a career record of 2-8, which tells me everything I need to know about the Rams quarterback situation. I’d say St. Louis could win this game if they just hand it off to Todd Gurley 40 times, but that’s probably not true because stopping the run is literally the one thing the Ravens have done well this season. Baltimore is one of only 10 teams in the NFL that’s giving up less than 100 yards per game on the ground this season.
The Pick: Ravens 23-20 over Rams.
NOTE: I just picked against every backup quarterback who’s starting in Week 11 AND I REGRET NOTHING. Also, I’m not sure Blaine Gabbert still technically counts as a backup, but I’m picking against him too.
Week 11 picks: All the rest:
Titans 24-17 over Jaguars
Raiders 27-20 over Lions
Jets 17-13 over Texans
Seahawks 24-13 over 49ers
Patriots 34-27 over Bills
Byes: Browns, Saints, Giants, Steelers
Last Week
Best Pick: Last week I decided to jump on the Jay Cutler bandwagon by picking the Bears to upset the Rams in St. Louis and then the Bears went out and upset the Rams in St. Louis. Did I know that Nick Foles was going to play so bad that he was going to get benched? Of course I did, I literally spent two paragraphs last week talking about how horrible Foles was and how the Rams passing game reminded me of a high school team from 1931 trying to figure out how to throw a ball forward for the first time.
Foles has been so bad this season that people are literally running out of ways to describe how bad he is.
Running out of ways to detail just how bad Nick Foles is. Terrible decision, throw was even worse.
— dan durkin (@djdurkin) November 15, 2015
Worst Pick: I picked the Bengals to win in primetime even though we all know what happens when the Bengals play in primetime, they play like the 1934 Lions.
The Bengals are the first unbeaten/untied team with 8+ wins that failed to score a TD since the 1934 Lions. pic.twitter.com/dDDqGlN1GB
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) November 17, 2015
The most embarrassing part about the fact that I even picked the Bengals is: 1. It went directly against my Andy Dalton flowchart and 2. It went against my “Daytime Dalton” theory.
And yes, both of those are basically the same thing: Always pick Dalton in daytime games, never pick Dalton in night games.
Dalton trying to extend this game to midnight so Early Morning Dalton takes over for Primetime Dalton.
— John Breech (@johnbreech) November 17, 2015
Things got so bad against the Texans on Monday that Bengals fans actually started booing their first place team.
The Bengals have been horrible forever. They are 8-0, down by 4 points and you boo them. Cincinnati is drunk tonight.
— Joeyg (@JoeAno1) November 17, 2015
Look, the Bengals might not have any clue how to play football in primetime, but they do know how to put a halftime show together, so let’s just enjoy this monkey wearing a Go-Pro riding a dog’s back and not pay attention to the fact that I picked the Bengals to win again in primetime this week.
Picks Record
Straight up in Week 10: 7-7
SU Overall: 87-59
Against the spread in Week 10: 7-7
ATS Overall: 69-77
Exact score predictions: 1
You can find John Breech on Twitter or on Facebook and if he’s not doing one of those two things, he’s probably writing an email to the NFL asking them not to flex Andy Dalton into primetime anymore.
This entry passed through the Full-Text RSS service – if this is your content and you’re reading it on someone else’s site, please read the FAQ at fivefilters.org/content-only/faq.php#publishers.
