If Chris Kaman thought pursuing a 1,000-pound marlin was going to be the most dangerous thing he did before the start of the 2014-15 regular season, he was wrong. That honor belongs to “boxing out Timofey Mozgov.”
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The play above, which took place during the Portland Trail Blazers’ 93-75 preseason win over the Denver Nuggets on Wednesday, didn’t exactly feature the most ferocious collision you’re ever going to see on a basketball court. But it did result in Kaman bleeding from the head, thanks to the Nuggets’ massive Russian center accidentally taking a bite out of his cruller, according to Joe Freeman of the Oregonian:
While playing defense, Kaman backed into Mozgov in an effort to box him out as a Denver player attempted a shot from the perimeter. But as Kaman pushed Mozgov, the 7-foot-1 center toppled on Kaman’s back and chomped down on his head with his teeth.
“I went back pretty hard and I must’ve hit him in the chest,” Kaman said, retelling the story. “He kind of folded over and his teeth went down on my head.”
Kaman instantly cupped his head, felt a gash and blood. He was pulled from the game and taken to the locker room, where he was given three stitches. After the game, he was wearing a big bandage on his balding head, but said he felt “pretty good.”
“It happened so fast, I was like, ‘What the heck?’ ” Kaman said. “I felt his teeth kind of crush me in and I was like, ‘Crap, I know I’m going to need some stitches.’ “
From historic fights to pop-culture-driven absurdity to “I felt his teeth kind of crush me in.” You never know quite what this job’s going to give you when you open up your laptop in the morning.
Well, that sounds properly awful. And yet, this isn’t the most uncomfortable injury Kaman has sustained on an NBA court. It’s been a pretty remarkable career.
The 11-year veteran underwent a concussion test after the accidental munching; while the results weren’t known as of Freeman’s report, Kaman “said after the game he didn’t think he suffered one.” No word on whether he made sure to tell the Blazers’ training staff that he thought what they were doing was “stupid,” “crap,” “not cool,” “cool,” and “safe.”
Missing from all this, of course, is any comment from Mozgov. Let’s assume that’s because he was busy brushing his teeth and gargling with mouthwash for, like, seven hours after Tuesday’s final buzzer.
Video via The Association.
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Dan Devine is an editor for Ball Don’t Lie on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter!
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